I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
