he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
