Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
