i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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