You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
