Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
