Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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