I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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