i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just forgot I was standing up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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