I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
