yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
