Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
