i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
