life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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