Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
