So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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