now i know why i became what i already was.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
