The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
