A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
