it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
