just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
