If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
