I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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