yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
