He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
