Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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