Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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