Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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