jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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