ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
