he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
