Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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