I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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