Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
