you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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