i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
