sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
should my penis look like a turkey
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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