Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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