dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
