Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
