Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
