There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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