Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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