Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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