she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
