She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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