Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
