did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
