Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
