Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
