wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We are two peas in an std pod
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
