My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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